You Need a Screen Time Agreement for Your Teen

What children do after screen time matters more than the screen itself

It’s easy to commiserate with other parents about screen time woes. It’s an issue that touches deeply on our worry for our children’s and teens’ mental health. We worry about how we’re approaching it - and perhaps you, like me, notice behavioural or mood changes in your kids that leave you questioning your choices.

As a parent and therapist working with children, teens, and parents, here’s how I think about screen time use and limits.

Research consistently shows that the impact of screen use depends on what it’s replacing.

Screens become problematic when they squeeze out:

• good quality sleep

• physical movement and exercise

• in-person social connection (including time with parents and family)

• unstructured play or boredom

Unstructured play leads to boredom, and boredom supports both creativity and nervous system regulation.

When children’s and teens’ screen use is moderate and does not displace these essentials, they are far less likely to develop anxiety, depression, or attention-related difficulties.

What and how your kids use screens matters more than total time

Including a study released by SickKids last autumn, research shows that passive consumption (endless scrolling, autoplay videos like YouTube or TikTok) is more concerning than interactive or creative use (gaming with friends, making videos, problem-solving games).

There is also growing evidence that tablet and smartphone use should be delayed for as long as reasonably possible.

Screen use is generally less detrimental when:

• Parents or caregivers are co-viewing (I think of all the years of Peppa Pig and Bluey I put in - and admittedly enjoyed)

• There are conversations about what children or teens are watching

• Screens are used socially, including connecting with friends while gaming rather than scrolling alone

The biggest concern is where screens disrupt sleep

Among all the variables that influence whether screens help or harm, sleep disruption has the strongest and most consistent link to:

• emotional dysregulation

• anxiety and low mood

• attention difficulties

• academic challenges

As a therapist for teens, families, and parents, I can say this unequivocally: therapy cannot persuade your teenager to stop using their phone at night if they have unfettered access to it.

In my professional opinion, smartphones should be introduced slowly and thoughtfully, with boundaries that increase gradually over time. At an absolute minimum, teens should not have access to smartphones in the hour before bedtime or overnight. Teens need parents to set and support these boundaries for them.

Teens need support, not surveillance

As one of the teen therapists on our team said,

“I have a hard time limiting and discerning responsible phone use - of course our clients are going to struggle.”

Teens are wired for novelty, social belonging, and - the part that frightens us most - risk-taking. The regions of the brain responsible for impulse control and judgment continue developing until around age 25.

This means conflict around phone use is not a failure of parenting - it’s developmentally expected. To not have phone privileges often feels, to a teen, like being left out entirely. (It doesn’t matter the era - there will always be something teenagers feel like “they’re the only ones who don’t have.”)

Supportive and protective parenting strategies include:

• Collaborative rule-setting – make it a conversation and an agreement

• Linking screen use to values – what matters most to your family?

• Predictable consequences – outline them ahead of time and follow through calmly

• Gradually increasing autonomy as responsibility is demonstrated

Parents’ own screen habits strongly shape outcomes

My dad will often joke, “I resemble that comment.”

The evidence here is unambiguous: parent modelling predicts children’s screen behaviour more strongly than rules alone. Many parents who lived through the pandemic or other high-stress periods know this intuitively. Screen use often increases when we’re overwhelmed, tired, or distressed.

Unfortunately, our kids pick up on this too. Research shows increased child distress when parents are emotionally unavailable or frequently distracted.

And if you’re parenting teens, they will absolutely call you out for hypocrisy. The most successful screen time agreements tend to live in households where limits and intentional use apply to everyone.

A Screen Time Agreement for Your Family

To support the children, teens, and families who work with us at our west Ottawa therapy centre, we’ve created a Screen Time Agreement you can use at home.

(I use it with my own child, who told me it needed more colour. I invited him to add his own flourishes, and voilà - creative time for him, and no colour-printing costs for me.)

You can download the agreement below and adapt it to fit your family’s values, developmental stage, and real life. Like all good boundaries, it’s meant to be revisited - not enforced rigidly.

---

Have questions about our therapy services for teenagers, parents or family therapy?

Here are some other Therapy for Teens posts