If you’ve recently been diagnosed with autism as an adult, you may have read the reverent accounts of others who came to their understanding later in life and felt like “everything suddenly made sense.” I bet you’ve seen the phrase “the missing piece of the puzzle” so much that you never want to look at a puzzle again. Even folks who “always knew” something about them felt different can be surprised to learn the something is autism. But not everyone experiences this milestone as a eureka moment. For some autistic folks, it doesn’t feel like an answer but a truckload of new questions, the most pressing often being, “am I who I thought I was?”

Reinterpreting Your Identity with Autism

A late in life autism discovery invites reflection on all you’ve experienced up to this point. Finding out early means you can weave it into your understanding of yourself and your unique skills and needs as you grow into them. When you’re already an adult, you’ve already formed an idea of who you are and how you fit in. Some dimensions of your identity with autism may be reframed easily and others may feel less tangible, but vital: does this change who I am? What do I do with this new identity?

Maybe you've found yourself revisiting old report cards, friendships, or moments that never quite made sense at the time. Perhaps you've caught yourself wondering whether certain traits are "really you" or "the autism." These questions are common, and they can be surprisingly emotional.

Is “Autistic” Who I Am?

Often what feels scary and confusing about integrating autism into your identity is that a lot of the language around ASD can position it only by deficits. No one can blame you for thinking the same when ‘ASD’ literally stands for Autism Spectrum Disorder. It’s a reality of psychology that our understanding of concepts like autism often evolve quicker than our formal language and classifications for them. At The Wren Centre, we prefer language like Autism Spectrum or Autism Spectrum Condition.

At our West Ottawa therapy centre, we choose to use language that reflects our person-centred, compassionate, and celebratory understanding of autism, which underpins our commitment to neurodivergent affirming autism counselling and psychotherapy. As you discover the nuances of your neurotype, autism counselling can offer space to better understand how your autistic traits and behaviours sometimes need support for you to thrive in particular contexts.

Ultimately, it’s up to you how much your autism relates to who you are. Some people are proud of their autism and their autistic traits, which can include (but are not limited to) a strong sense of justice, openness to difference, and radical honesty. Some people understand their particular manifestation of autism as a set of recommendations for how best to cope with challenges like overstimulation or changes to important routines, challenges which may affect autistic people uniquely but can affect anyone. Some people understand that being autistic exists alongside the same identity they’ve always inhabited before being diagnosed. People can contain multitudes – there’s room for this.

Do I Need Therapy if I’m Autistic?

Not necessarily. Many autistic folks seek out more formal understanding and review of what they suspected all along, and often within a therapy context. Our therapists have occasionally identified clients as being autistic and encourage them to pursue formal processes if that’s important to them. This can be beneficial especially if there’s intent to seek specific supports to improve resilience or specific areas of functioning.

Autistic adults may come to the conclusion that they “flew under the radar” because, as children and teenagers, they learned strategies to cope with overstimulation by themselves, or masking habits like deliberate periodic eye contact and/or small talk scripts to fit in socially. That means that formally receiving an autism label doesn’t implicate next steps because there isn’t necessarily anything to “do about it.” In the therapy world, these clients are often labelled (or label themselves) as “low-support needs.” But for some, that’s exactly where autism therapy becomes valuable – not because autism is something to ‘fix’, but because the questions it brings up deserves time and space to explore.

But seeking support with day-to-day functioning isn’t the only thing to ‘do,’ nor is it the only reason to seek the support of an autism-informed therapist. For many adults, counselling for adults with autism is less about learning new skills and more about making sense of experiences that finally have a name. Even if you don’t need support to function, sometimes reflecting on your patterns of behaviour and coping mechanisms can lead you to a deeper understanding of why they make sense for you, how they can vary, and how best to take care of you. An autism-informed therapist can help you do this, and also help you take on the identity work of integrating autism into your identity.

Does Therapy Make Sense for Me?

It’s normal to seek therapy when something changes how you see yourself and the world. You don’t have to meet some imaginary threshold of support needs to benefit from psychotherapy. If any of this resonates with you, feel free to book a consultation with one of our autism-informed therapists to learn more.

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