The Anxiety of Being Always Reachable: When the Off Switch Disappears

When you finally get home from work and slough off your bag and your keys and your customer service voice, like most of us, you might find yourself on the nearest couch, too exhausted to even change out of your work clothes. You might scroll for a while, trying to make it sink in that you're home; the day is over and it's time to wind down. But then you get a work email, delivered directly to your personal cellphone, and suddenly it feels like you never left - the constant monitoring re-upping your anxiety.

Though we hear about such diffuse boundaries and how they negatively impact our clients’ stress levels, therapists are people, too - we are navigating our own relationships with connectedness, connection, and meaningful disconnection.

Lost in Transition

Our lives before cellphones, the internet, and digital work environments came with transitions built in. When we left work we couldn't reach or be reached by our responsibilities there. Our nervous systems depend on these external cues to transition between states of demand and states of rest. Just like we get sleepy in the dark, calm when we breathe deeply, and happy when we smile, walking away from our work tells us it's time to rest. But we can't walk away from our work when it can chirp for our attention from our pockets. Without tangible markers of transition, our nervous systems are always ‘on,’ in a perpetual state of demand. When you go back to work feeling like you never left, it’s because – according to your nervous system – you never did.

At our West Ottawa psychotherapy centre, we often meet people who come in wondering why they can't seem to switch off. Many assume they're doing something wrong or that their anxiety should be easier to manage. But what if it’s not that we can’t switch off, it’s that the switches have disappeared? People who struggle with anxiety often blame themselves for being ‘bad at relaxing’, but being ‘always reachable’ has been an unspoken workplace norm for so long that most of us don’t even remember a time when, not only were we entitled to disconnect completely at the end of the workday, it happened without us setting any boundaries intentionally. Think back to the era of company-issued blackberries in belt holsters. Is it not jarring to remember that people used to have a ‘work phone’ and a ‘personal cellphone’, two completely different devices!?

There’s No Secret.

When you’re pretending to be okay and all you see is other people also pretending to be okay, it makes sense to wonder if there’s some secret to coping with being always ‘on’ that you just haven’t discovered or can’t grasp. The truth is, there’s no emotional regulation strategy or mindfulness skill that can replace those built-in transitions we used to have. Sometimes, what we feel as anxiety is a completely reasonable response to constant demand, and if you’re feeling it, there’s a good chance everyone else is too. If being always reachable has you feeling frozen and burnt out all at the same time, congratulations, you’re human, and you’re not alone.

Part of the reason we’re collectively struggling with increased anxiety is that our nervous systems never fully get the message that work is over. You might notice it in ways that are easy to dismiss as "just being tired." For example:

• Feeling too tired to do the things that usually help you recharge.

• Finding it difficult to settle into the evening, even when nothing urgent is happening.

• Reaching for your phone automatically, almost as if you're waiting for the next demand.

Coping Without Switches

Even though our built-in transitions may be gone (and no one really wants to go back to snail mail and dial-up) there are some ways you can practice intentional transitions to tell your body it’s safe to rest. A significant part of therapy is often helping folks accept that what they know is not always what they feel. To persuade your nervous system it’s time to rest, you need to support body-based practices. These practices might look like:

• Creating an end of day ritual like a walk around the block.

• Leaving devices in a dedicated phone drawer/dish.

• Changing your environment in some small but noticeable way like moving to a different room or opening windows.

Do I have to do this by myself forever?

If the idea of coping by yourself in a world without switches feels overwhelming, anxiety therapy can offer a space to explore your relationship with work, boundaries, and recovery. Working with an anxiety therapist isn’t about learning to overpower your anxiety, it’s about understanding how you can feel safe to rest. If you’re curious about working together, feel free to book a consultation to see if our approach feels like a supportive fit.

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